These days, I see an increasing number of married women who complain that they are much more interested in sex than their husbands are ? that their men just don’t have enough sexual energy.
The fact is that women and men can have active and frequent sex well into old age. A man who hides behind age as the reason for his flagging sexual appetite is fooling both his wife and himself. It is not sexual energy he lacks ? it is a sense of sexual power. The same man who acts sexually lazy in the marriage bed can go through an entire day feeling aroused as he flirts in the office and fantasizes on the train. But because his wife openly wants sex, he’s no longer the aggressor, the pursuer. And without this role he does not feel very sexual with her.
One husband said his wife’s sexual openness, All she has to do is say something like ?I could go for some loving tonight, and the panic sets in. The only way I can calm myself is by fantasizing that I’m seducing the young woman who lives next door.
No wonder his fantasy is calming: in it he is the aggressor, the seducer.
I recommend the following exercise for a couple on this particular seesaw. I call it ?The Middle-Aged Man’s Guide To Lazy Sex. For one month, the wife can ask for sex whenever she wants it “ up to twice a day” and her husband must comply. But he is allowed to satisfy her with as little effort as he wants to put out. He can lie back, stare at the ceiling, and masturbate her with one hand if that is all he wants to do. She may not complain that he is lazy ? as long as she is being satisfied.
After only a few weeks the husband usually discovers that his wife is not really ‘insatiable’ ? she only seemed that way when he was begging off so often. Moreover, he soon finds that he is ready and willing for all kinds of things that he had been “too tired” to do before.